


Second Chances.

by fxlminare



Series: BELLAMY BLAKE COLLECTION [35]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bellamy Blake Imagine, Bellamy Blake Insert, Bellamy Blake fanfiction, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Praimfaya | Radiation Wave, Soft Bellamy Blake, Worried Bellamy Blake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:01:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22599001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fxlminare/pseuds/fxlminare
Summary: “something during season 5 about reader being on earth with Clarke (reader used to be with Bellamy)? Maybe sth about their struggle and Reader almost giving up and Clarke fighting for her because of Bellamy. And then their reunion and Reader being a little adventurous explorer so she suddenly shows up and they’re both shocked and try to deal with those 6 years… I wish for some happy ending but with massive angst on the way to it!”
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Reader
Series: BELLAMY BLAKE COLLECTION [35]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2110968
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Second Chances.

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: talk about suicide, attempted suicide.

**CLARKE'S POV**

I knew I wouldn't make it; there was no time. I yelled at Y/N to leave, to get back to the lab and get in the ship with the rest. I knew I could finish my part but not before the rocket had to leave and I wouldn't drag her down with me; she had to leave, I knew Bellamy would wait for her.

\- "Y/N! I said leave!"

\- "I'm not living you alone, Clarke!" -she yelled back at me from below me, having climbed halfway up the post we needed to connect the machine to- "Teamwork, princess. Both of us or none."

\- "Bellamy won't leave without you."

\- "Good thing it's Raven piloting."

\- "Y/N..."

\- "Keep moving." -she pushed my ass up- "We have to finish this or we will all die for nothing."

\- "You are going to die for nothing."

\- "I'm going to die with my friend to save the rest of our friends. That's a hell of a way to go."

I couldn't help but smile, silently being grateful Y/N was with me for dying alone had always terrified me. I nodded, climbing up to the top with her, starting to work on our thing and seeing the rocket leaving Earth. I watched the tear falling down Y/N's face and my heart clenched for her. I knew how much she loved Bellamy and how well things had started to look for them. I wished I had come alone but, at the same time, found comfort in her hand squeezing mine.

**\--------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I knew I shouldn't have separated from Y/N. I knew I should have grabbed her to come with me or gone with her instead of Clarke.

\- "She'll be back." -I felt the tears in my eyes as I looked at the door- "They'll be back."

\- "Bellamy, we have to go." -Raven pulled me back- "If we keep waiting we won't be able to leave Earth."

\- "I... I can't... Y/N..." -I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks as Raven pulled me back, Murphy and Monty forcing me up the rocket- "No! Y/N! Please!"

I yelled in between tears as they forced me onto my seat, closing the rocket's door and strapping me down. I didn't care I was making a scene, I was leaving the love of my life down there to die.

\- "What if they are just on the door!"

\- "We cannot wait, Bellamy." -Raven didn't even look at me, at the controls of the rocket and I soon felt us launching- "I have to save us."

I felt back completely on my seat, closing my eyes and praying to whoever could hear me that Y/N could forgive me, that her death wouldn't be painful and that she'd always remember how much I loved her, more than I loved myself. Everything was starting to look so promising for us, I thought we'd spent the next six years of our lives together in space, in peace like we deserved. We had talked about it, hands tied as we sat in the Rover, thinking of how it'd feel to be back where we came from. And now? Now, I had lost her, the reason for my happiness and to keep going. She was gone. I hid my face in my hands, unable to control the tears. I hadn't even been able to say goodbye, to hold her in my arms one last time, whispering how much I loved her. I'd never forgive myself.

**\---------------**

**YOUR POV**

The biggest plot twist I had ever experienced was Clarke and I surviving the blast of radiation; granted, it had been awful and for a couple of days there I thought I wouldn't make it. And, once we both completely recovered and I thought the worst bit was over, we opened the doors of the lab only to be hit with the painful reality: everything was a damn wasteland. Nothing. No trees, no grass, no rivers and definitively no animals; I even doubted there was wind at some point. I felt myself quickly drowning in a loop of darkness, unable to process everything that had to be done, everything that we needed to do to survive, not even knowing if Bellamy and the rest had made it to the Ring safely.

\- "Come on, Y/N. There's nothing back there for us."

Clarke pulled me through the mountains, and mountains and more damned mountains of sand. Where were we going? There was nothing out there! Nothing! Just sand and wind, and bones. And I couldn't do this anymore. I didn't want to die but this was no way to live, thirsty and hungry and sweating and burned skin. I couldn't do it.

\- "I'm done." -I mumbled, resting my hands on my knees as Clarke walked ahead of me- "I'm done."

\- "What!" -Clarke faced me- "No, no, no, Y/N, we have to keep going."

\- "Go where, Clarke!" -I yelled- "There's nothing in this fucking hell, we should be dead!"

\- "Don't say that."

\- "I'm sorry, I just..." -I dropped on the ground- "I can't do this, I give up."

I patted my side, finding my gun there. It'd be so easy, one second I'm in pain, the next one, I'm gone. The tears itched my eyes as I rose my gun to my head.

\- "Y/N, no!"

\- "I'm sorry, Clarke. You'll do better without me."

I pulled the trigger.

**\----------------**

**CLARKE'S POV**

I saw her taking out her gun, I saw her moving it to her temple and I saw her pulling the trigger. I yelled, feeling the tears pooling down my face but there was no bang, no shot, no blood splattered around and not just me still alive down here.

\- "Damn it!" -Y/N yelled, throwing the gun away- "I can't even kill myself! What the fuck is this joke!" -she yelled throwing her head back, hitting the sand under her with her fists- "Fuck you universe, fuck you! And fuck this planet, and fuck ALIE and fuck the fucking apocalypse and fuck us!"

I ran up to her and dropped to my knees, hugging her and crying as she finally wrapped her arms back around me. I couldn't process what had just happened, I thought my friend was leaving for good but then, she was still there. I didn't know why the gun didn't go off but I thanked whoever was listening for keeping Y/N with me; I knew it was selfish but I needed her.

\- "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." -she sobbed against my neck, repeating the same words over and over, quieter each time- "I'm sorry."

\- "Don't ever do that again." -I pulled back to look into her eyes, each second more worried about her mental health than the last, wondering what I could do to keep her alive.

\- "I'm tired, Clarke, there's nothing here and we are dying slowly. I don't wanna watch you die." -the raw honesty in her voice brought even more tears to my eyes- "What are we going to do? There's nothing left."

\- "We'll figure it out, together." -I took her face in my hands- "I promise."

\- "I'm sorry."

We stood there, under the burning sun for longer than we should have been, but we were both tired and weak, so we ended up laying on the sand with our hands tied together. I knew our possibilities were small but I couldn't lose hope. And, without the working gun, there was nothing we could use to actually end our suffering anyway.

As we laid there, eyes closed, I suddenly felt a shadow over me but it was only for a second before I felt the sun again over my closed eyes so I figured I had imagined it. But then, it happened again. So I opened my eyes. Birds. _Birds?_

\- "Y/N."

\- "I'm still alive." -she groaned beside me.

\- "Look." -I pushed her arm- "Am I imagining those?"

\- "What?" -Y/N sat up and opened her eyes, covering them with her hand as she looked in the direction I pointed- "Birds? How in fucking hell are those still alive."

\- "We should follow them."

\- "Maybe your brain is melting inside your head because of our dehydration and the sun but we still can't fly."

\- "Then we should run." -I rose up, offering her my hand- "Together."

\- "I mean, it's not like we have much to lose." -she took a deep breath, taking my hands and raising with me- "If anything, they could be our dinner." -she looked back at the gun- "Maybe it was a sign."

\- "And those birds are the next." -I grabbed her hand- "Let's go."

We started running after the birds, in fear we'd lose them as running through the sand was no easy task, falling to our knees, crawling and grunting annoyed. But we finally reached the top of a sand mound above which the birds had just flown by. I'd never forget the feeling in my chest from that day; the day we discovered the valley. It was amazing; like the blast had completely skipped that part of Earth, allowing us a place to live, as if it knew we'd be there in need of it. Y/N dropped to her knees when we found it, crying and hiding her face on her hands; I had dropped to my knees next to her.

\- "This is how we survive." -I murmured next to her.

\- "No," -the turned her face to look at me, wrapping her arms around me as we both sobbed- "this is how we live."

**\------------**

**YOUR POV**

We had been living in that valley well over six years and I had started to wonder whether or not the rest would ever show up; we had tried opening the bunker but we had failed each time. We didn't hear anything from down there so I feared, having passed the 5-year mark, everyone had... died. It was getting harder to take control of my toxic thoughts; Clarke had helped me with them but I still struggled to believe we'd ever see this through. Clarke had also forced me to talk on the radio every day, as a way to keep me -and her- sane, hoping that, maybe, even if they didn't answer, our friends could still hear us. That they could know it was safe for them to come down, that we had a home and food and a pretty peaceful life. I'd dare calling it boring; except when Madi decided to try something, of course.

\- "Y/N! Catch."

\- "Wait, what!" -I turned around just in time to see the apple flying towards me, managing to catch it before it hit my face- "Hey! Don't play with food."

\- "Clarke told me that's your snack."

\- "My point exactly." -I rubbed it against my shirt before taking a bite- "Be glad it's still good."

Madi laughed, coming up to me and sitting down, overseeing the valley with me. We had found her almost by accident, the little monster that was more of an animal than a kid when we saw her the first time. I smiled looking at her, happy that we had found each other, knowing our lives had been much better together.

\- "Clarke said you're leaving again."

\- "I am." -I nodded- "I can't stay still for long, you know that."

\- "Can I come?"

\- "You have to take care of Clarke. I don't like leaving her alone."

\- "She says the same about you."

\- "We've already been through this before, I'm fine, I have a family and I'm not going to throw that away."

We had always been honest with Madi, wanting her to be honest with us too, wanting to be there for her if she ever struggled with anything. Physical or mental. She was a strong kid. She had kept us alive in a way, knowing I had been ready to throw in the towel more times than I cared to admit.

\- "Don't be gone for too long." -she looked at me- "Please?"

\- "This is the last time I'll ever leave, I promise." -I kissed her forehead- "There's not much out there I haven't seen already."

\- "And?"

\- "Everything is dead. Everywhere." -I looked up to the sky- "We were lucky to find this place, to have it so close."

I hoped Bellamy was up there, seeing the little spot of green in kilometers around. I hoped he was alive. I hoped he'd come back soon. I hoped he hadn't forgotten about me.

**\--------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

I spent my days looking at the green spot on Earth, hoping I could be down there soon to see my sister. But, at the same time, I dreaded the idea, knowing I'd get down there and start a life without the only person I ever wanted to have one with: Y/N. I had not been able to forgive myself, I had not been able to move on; I still had nightmares, seeing her in them, most of the time falling from a cliff into the fire, slipping from my hands and watching her burn. I kept waking up drenched in sweat and calling for her. It was pure agony. I wondered if, once I was back down there, those nightmares would stop or if they'd accompany me throughout the rest of my life. I wondered, too, if we'd ever get back down, seeing we were well past the 5-year mark. Maybe it'd be better to stay up here, where I could not see anything that reminded me of Y/N. Even if she crowded my thoughts every second of the day and invaded my dreams each night.

But it finally happened. We found a way down. I was there. I had my feet on Earth. And I could barely believe it but I had no time to take anything in as we were surrounded by the prisoners that I was certain were decided to take over Earth, the same people whose ship we had infiltrated and who we had seen kill on video. This was not how I expected it to go. And what happened next I'd have never seen coming, all four men shot from behind and a little girl coming up to us, asking for me.

\- "Bellamy?" -I was taken aback, I had no idea who this kid was, my brain going over all the possibilities but not finding the correct answer- "Y/N and Clarke knew you'd come back."

\- "What?" -I almost choked on my words, the information she had just spoken hitting me like a punch to the chest- "They are alive?" -she nodded- "Y/N's alive?" -I felt my knees trembling- "Where is she? Is she okay?"

\- "Yeah, but we don't have time, follow me. Fast."

She didn't have to tell me twice; if she knew where Y/N was, that's where I would be running towards. However, quickly being disappointed as the girl, whose name was Madi, told me about Clarke having been captured by the Colonel's people and Y/N being nowhere to be seen for she had left them close to the two-week mark prior to our arrival. There was too much information coming my way and I couldn't find the strength to focus on just one thing; I felt like my brain was going 100 miles per hour with no brakes. Luckily for all of us, Echo was there with her experience and her calm composure. We decided the best thing was freeing Clarke from those soldiers and then think of a plan to liberate the people in the bunker; Madi was quick to soothe my worries, arguing Y/N would come back soon, especially since she could not have missed the landing of two different ships. I hoped that'd be true; I had to see her with my own two eyes to believe she was alive.

**\------------**

**YOUR POV**

I had managed to build a somewhat decent and motorized vehicle because I couldn't call it a car because that was definitively not how it looked. _Maybe a motorbike. Yeah._ I had been using it to travel around the valley; I had always known chances of finding a place like that were close to non-existent but, still, I had to see it for myself. I knew I had a good life with Clarke and Madi, but the routine of literally just living was not what I was built for: I craved adventure, I craved to see new things, go places... even if those places were just sand mountains. There was nothing out there for us.

\- "I guess this is the end then." -I spoke aloud to myself like I usually did when I was in the middle of this wasteland- "More sand, couple rocks and way too many bones."

I had been drawing a map for every place I searched but it had ended up looking like a circle in the middle surrounded by nothing. I mean, it wasn't really my fault the map was so lame, there was literally nothing here.

\- "Can't go any further cause that's risking not coming back." -I sighed, sitting under the shadow that the vehicle offered me- "Guess this is the end of my travels." -I took a sip of my water- "Maybe now I should just inspect the valley thoroughly, maybe I missed something the first 20 times."

I was laughing at myself when I hear a weird noise, unable to really pinpoint what it was, looking at the sky and seeing a ship coming down.

\- "No fucking way." -I jumped to my feet- "No fucking way!"

I felt the tears about to crowd my eyes as I quickly organized my stuff to go back to the valley, unable to hide my excitement as I thought of seeing my friends back: Emori and Murphy, Monty and Harper, Raven and even Echo; but, most importantly: Bellamy. God, I knew I'd cry when I saw him. I had been so excited to live with him back in the Ring but time and the universe had decided that was not how it was meant to be. I knew Clarke had suffered a lot with and for me, seeing me ready to give up way more times than I cared to admit and even almost going through with it once but she had always reminded me Bellamy would come back for me. It ashamed me to say she seemed to have more faith than I did at times. But it was over now. I got on my seat and started the vehicle. Bellamy was back home. And that was where I needed to be.

**\--------------------------**

I was finally back near the valley, but everything seemed off. Maybe it was a hunch, maybe I was being paranoid after six years but I decided it'd be best to not make a big entrance just yet. I could see the massive ship I had seen coming down first but it didn't look like something my friends would just randomly pick up from space. I left my things at the entrance of the valley, covered in bushes just in case. Caution was a newfound friend for me. I felt the temptation to scream for Clarke and Madi but decided against it the closer I got to the village and the more noise I heard; too much noise for just a couple people.

And I had been right: a bunch of people in military wear were working around the village. _Who are these people and where is my family?_ I had been cautious enough to bring my knife with me, wrapping my hand around the handle, making sure it was still in place. I got closer to the biggest house, the one we had been using to store our things and sleep whenever we weren't under the sky. There were three people in there: two men and a woman pacing around. I decided spying would be of use, so I put my ears to work.

\- "...and then this place would be ours for good."

\- "We can't do that, that's mass murder!"

\- "Got a better plan?"

\- "He's just the pilot."

\- "Just the pilot but also the only one you've got."

\- "And the only one who can launch my missiles over that army."

_Missiles? Army? What the hell happened in the couple of days since they landed?_

\- "You should have never made a deal with their leader."

\- "And what was your suggestion? Shoot him and then shoot Clarke? Then, all our people would be dead."

_Kill him? And Clarke? What the hell?_

\- "Now they've all escaped and he's got his sister who has an army of her own coming at us through the desert."

\- "And we're going to wipe them out." -the woman suddenly approached the door- "Let's go. That's an order, Shaw."

I started running away to get my bike back and get the hell out of there. _It has to be Bellamy. And Octavia is alive! With an army? I have to warn them about the missiles. Oh God, I'm not making it._

\- "Hey!" -a man jumped on my face out of nowhere- "Where did you come from, sweetheart?"

Before I could think on an answer, my muscle memory reacted faster, taking out the knife and slitting his throat where he stood; realizing what I had done all too late. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ I looked around, there seemed to be no one else around there. _His walkie. That's it_. I patted him, soon finding what I was looking for and starting running again. _Please let this work._

**\---------------------------**

**BELLAMY'S POV**

We had been down here for five days and things were getting impossibly harder. Sure, we had managed to save Clarke and open the bunker but now we were at war with the Colonel and her people and they had Murphy and Raven as leverage to make sure we didn't try anything. Octavia had become the leader of the Grounders, who now went by the name of "Wonkru", and had decided the only option was war. I didn't want war; in fact, killing anyone was the last thing I wanted to do after six years of non-violence but her life seemed to have been only about that: violence and blood all the time.

That was towards where we were traveling to now: to war. But we had gotten stuck in between razor-blade winds and burrowing parasitic bugs and, if that wasn't enough, Echo had just called us to tell us the prisoners were launching a missile towards us. I had gotten out of the command's tent before I exploded, taking a couple minutes to calm down before going back in to see what the hell we were going to do now.

\- "That had to be Y/N!" -Clarke was yelling as I reentered the tent- "Did you not hear her?"

\- "Y/N?" -I approached them not even bothering to hide the distress in my voice- "Where is she? What are you talking about?"

\- "The radio just went off; it was Y/N!"

\- "How do you know?" -Octavia quickly argued- "It was just two words: cover and missiles."

\- "Who else would be getting close to our position and trying to contact us to warn us?" -Clarke stood her ground- "It's not the rest because they've already contacted Bellamy."

\- "It could be a trap." -Octavia looked at Indra- "Shut it."

\- "No!" -Clarke yelped as Indra moved back- "We have to tell her where we are!"

\- "You can't be sure that's Y/N and I'm certain she knows her way around the desert better than you, correct?" -Clarke nodded reluctantly- "Then, she'll be fine."

I tried to fight back this time too but Octavia had made up her mind. I clenched my fists, wishing I had a way to get out of here to look for Y/N. If that was really her. I couldn't know, I hadn't been there to hear the radio go off but Clarke seemed convinced and, if she was, I couldn't think otherwise; after all, she had been the one to spend six years with Y/N. And now we had to deal with the sand storm which was the last thing I wanted to do, being in this mess because Octavia had decided to listen to no one. Not even me.

**\-----------------------**

After the storm passed, it left us all weak, sat in groups in the middle of the desert trying to catch up our breaths. Echo, Monty, and Harper having just found us with the Rover and bringing Madi with them. I saw the smile on Clarke's face as she picked her up. She had told me a bit about their life, about their struggles and about Y/N. I knew she had been ready to give up and that scared me for I had no idea how she'd be now; if she'd still remember how we were and how much I loved her, if her mind would be alright after all this time, if we'd be able to get over the six years we missed of each others’ lives and wondering if we'd be able to go back to how we were. And that's exactly what I was going over that same night, sat by the fire with my friends when we heard another electric motor approaching us; everyone immediately grabbing their guns but Clarke was quick to raise from the floor with Madi, asking everyone to hold their fire and soon, we saw what that noise really was.

I knew Clarke had told me Y/N was alive, but the last time she had seen her had been 2 weeks before we landed; she told me she would surely still be alive but I had seen Earth from space, there was no way to go. So, seeing her, walking up to Madi, having appeared from the middle of the desert like nothing had happened surely made my heart stop for a second. She had her hair covered with a scarf just like her nose and mouth, eyes protected from the wind with a pair of goggles, body completely covered and fingerless gloves on her hands. Madi ran up to her and she picked her up in her arms, I could hear her laughter but I was still unable to believe it, Clarke joining them and the three of them hugging each other.

\- "Where were you?" -Madi questioned as soon as Y/N put her back down- "We were so worried!"

\- "I was actually coming back when I saw the two ships; first I thought our friends had decided to pick trash from space and get two ships instead of one, then I saw the soldiers."

\- "You went back home?"

\- "Well, where else did you both expect me to go?" -Y/N scoffed answering Clarke- "You could have left me a note."

\- "A note?" -Clarke scoffed back at her- "Where? Next to the pantry?!"

\- "Fine, fine." -Y/N rose her hands in defeat- "A sign would have been cool, maybe at the cave. I almost died when I got there, you know? Man, are those people big, mean and aggressive."

\- "They saw you?"

\- "Yeah... I may have killed one of them because he scared the shit out of me but it was on accident."

\- "Well, that's one less problem to deal with. And it certainly explains that unintelligible radio call."

Octavia had now come out of her tent, probably hearing Y/N's voice and walking up to her. Y/N faced her, taking off her goggles and pulling down her scarf. God, she looked so good, she looked better than what the picture in my head did. I felt the tears form in my eyes as I watched them hug. I had been torturing myself for years, trying to move on from her memory but damn was I glad I had never forgotten about her.

\- "I thought you..." -Y/N's voice was shaky- "I feared you all had died down there."

\- "It wasn't easy, but we survived." -Octavia squeezed Y/N's shoulders- "Thank you for trying to warn us."

\- "So you got the message?"

\- "Half of it, the connection was unstable due to the sand storm but we already knew the missiles were coming."

\- "God, I don't know what I'd have done..."

\- "Don't worry, we're all okay." -Octavia reassured her, her voice was calm like I hadn't heard her in a while- "I thought you were dead."

\- "Trust me," -Y/N chuckled- "it was close." -she pulled Clarke to her- "A couple times, actually."

\- "Well, I'm glad you're not."

Y/N smiled and nodded, soon looking around and I gulped as she landed eyes on me. It was like time stopped for a second and just around us as we looked at each other. I had mourned her for 2570 days, I thought I had lost the best thing that ever happened to me, the girl I had fallen so easily and so hard for and yet, there she stood, six years later, clear as day. I shook myself out of my astonishment, walking up to her a second before she started running up to me. I opened my arms as she jumped on me, wrapping her own around my neck as I hid my face on hers. I felt like my heart started beating again, I felt like it was easier to breathe and suddenly my life didn't seem as gloomy. She tightened her grip for a moment before letting go, raising her head to meet my eyes, her hands shaking as she moved them up to my face.

\- "You made it." -she ran her thumbs over my cheeks, her eyes soon becoming watery- "I..."

\- "I'm sorry." -I felt my own crowded with tears too, taking her hands in mine- "I'm so sorry."

\- "You had to go." -she squeezed my hands- "You had to leave."

\- "I thought you were dead." -I pulled her back to me- "God, I'm so sorry."

\- "Stop apologizing for saving our friends and choosing to live."

\- "That wasn't living, not without you, not thinking I had left you behind to die."

-"Hey..." -she forced me back- "My blood was never on your hands." -she took my face in her hands to make sure I kept my eyes on hers- "And it'll never be, understood?"

I nodded as she wiped away my tears, pulling her back to me and burying my face on her neck as I felt her crying lightly against my own. I had lost hope of ever seeing her again so I couldn't even begin to express with words how I felt, I was ecstatic to have her again in my arms, safe.

\- "Where the hell were you?" -I questioned as she moved back, now feeling the anger and concern I had been feeling since I set foot on Earth again.

\- "Visiting the wasteland, why?"

\- "God, Y/N, you can't just take your bike and leave!" -I clenched my fists at my sides- "What if something happened to you?

\- "What a way to ruin our reunion." -she shook her head- "So much for missing me for 6 years, huh?"

\- "When Madi told me you were alive, trust me, I felt relief running through my veins, but then she told me you left them two weeks prior and I just cannot understand why in hell would you do that."

\- "You're angry at me for leaving Clarke and Madi from time to time?" -she furrowed her eyebrows, crossing her arms over her chest- "Don't make me say where this is going because I was actually happy to see you."

\- "I already apologized for leaving you behind, this has nothing to do with it."

\- "Then what the fuck is this about?" -she rose her voice- "You're mad I needed time on my own? Time to deal with my fucking brain away from Madi and Clarke not to drown them with me!" -I was starting to regret having started this- "You want me to admit out loud that I'm not as strong as I thought I was? That I wanted to end this? That I tried and failed?" -I could see the rage in her eyes- "What the fuck do you want from me?"

\- "Y/N..."

\- "No, what the fuck do you want after six years of not knowing whether you were alive or not? Of six years with fucking demons in my head that wouldn't let me sleep? Of six damned years of wishing I had done something different not to end up in a fucking wasteland surrounded by nothing but mountains of sand?"

\- "Y/N." -I forced her to me, seeing the tears running down her face and hearing the pain in her voice broke my heart, I wish there was something I could do to take all that from her, anything- "Y/N, I'm sorry. I should have never let you go, I should have never gotten in that ship, I should have chosen to die on Earth with you. Maybe, if I had, we'd have spent these six years together. Maybe then I wouldn't have caused you so much pain." -I felt a tear running down my face- "Maybe then I wouldn't be so afraid."

\- "Afraid?"

\- "I'm afraid of not being able to help you, I'm terrified that these six years may be too much for us to deal with, too much to overcome to be back together. I'm afraid your heart has forgotten about mine. It petrifies me, thinking maybe I'm back with you but I'm not really with you because, maybe, all the pain you feel is because of me. And I don't want to hurt you. Not anymore. Never again. I'd never forgive myself."

I felt Y/N's arms wrapping around my torso, as she rested her head on my shoulder. I could feel her trembling in my arms as I pulled her to me closer but it was never close enough. I realized I was crying as I felt her hand moving up and down my back; she was crying too. There was so much I wanted to say but I couldn't find the words, so I simply stood there, hiding my face on her neck, kissing her skin, hoping I could go back in time to ease her pain. Because what I regretted most about this was knowing that she had been suffering and there was nothing I could do about that now.

\- "Don't punish yourself." -she murmured against my skin- "I don't blame you for anything that's happened to me;" -she moved her head back to look me in the eyes- "in fact, you're the reason I'm still here."

\- "I am?"

\- "Yeah." -she chuckled softly; god, I really had missed her- "Thinking of you always made me feel better. A little less alone too. But don’t tell Clarke I just admitted to that or I’ll never hear the end of it."

\- "I promise, wherever you go from now on, that's where I'll be."

\- "Promise me you won't ever cry for me again." -she smiled, raising her hands to my face and wiping my tears away- "It's not a good look on you."

\- "If you promise me the same thing." -I chuckled, raising my own to wipe hers away.

\- "I'll try." -she smiled as I left my hands on her face, rubbing her cheeks- "Just, don't give me reasons."

I smiled, getting lost in her eyes and in the change in her features, the happiness that soon overtook over her pain. I'd do anything to keep her like that. I was ready to do whatever it took, violent or not.

\- "Well..." -she cleared her throat but not letting go of me- "you have to catch me up on what you've been up to and on what we are doing here."

\- "Yeah, yeah..." -I shook my head, reluctantly letting go of her face.

\- "I've missed you." -she smiled tenderly but almost questioning in a way- "So much."

\- "I hope so or what I was about to say would have been really awkward." -I chuckled as she eyed me- "I love you. I haven't forgotten about you, Y/N; you're the one for me, no matter how far we are, I could never move on, so sooth your worries."

\- "I wasn't worried." -she scoffed, rolling her eyes, a glint of a smile on her lips- "I'm great, why would you move on from me? I'm not a stop, I'm a destination."

\- "That's even better then." -I pulled her chin up- "And?"

She didn't answer me with words; instead, she pulled down on the collar of my jacket, forcing our lips together for a tender kiss as I wrapped my arms around her frame. We broke apart to breathe but just for a second; one kiss was nowhere close to enough of her for me after so long.

\- "Ahem..."

Someone cleared their throat next to us, prompting us to break apart but not to move away from each others' arms, looking to my right as Y/N rested her head on my chest, seeing Madi.

\- "I'm sure you've already met Bellamy."

\- "Yeah." -Madi smiled looking in between us- "I was starting to worry I wasn't going to see you both together."

\- "What is that supposed to mean?" -I moved my head back to look at Y/N, who's eyes widened before she started laughing- "Hey!"

\- "It's possible that Madi has grown up on stories about you."

\- "Actually..." -Madi corrected Y/N- "It was on stories of all of you but, when Y/N was asleep or she was gone and it was just me and Clarke awake, it'd be stories about you both."

\- "Why is this the first time I'm hearing about any of this?" -Y/N let go of me, crossing her arms as she faced Madi who looked ready to run away and hide.

\- "Surprise!"

Madi started laughing before she shot running away from us and towards Clarke. Y/N, however, stood beside me, simply shaking her head as she watched her go, a smile on her face before she faced me again.

\- "What?"

\- "You look good."

\- "I think you might have lost a bit of your sharp vision in space." -she chuckled, raising an amused eyebrow at me- "I just came back from spending weeks traveling through the desert; if anything, I must look like a ball of sand and sweat."

\- "Just my type."

\- "Why am I not surprised that's your best answer?"

\- "If I'm honest, that's exactly how I hoped to find you: strategically covered with just sand under the sun, waiting for me to offer you some shade. And everything else you wanted from me."

She hit me on the chest before she busted out laughing with me, wrapping her arms around my neck and standing on her toes to kiss me. I smiled into the kiss, moving my hand to her neck and rubbing her jaw as we kissed. Suddenly, this war seemed much less of a hassle with Y/N back in my arms. With her by my side I felt like we could conquer anything life threw at us but, this time, we'd stick together, no matter where we ended up. And that was a promise I made to myself, to her, to us, for our future together. For the future I craved more than anything to have with her, feeling like the universe had given me a second chance to be with her.


End file.
